Embark on an expedition into the heart of modern dating with this visionary guide, Tom Lamere of the Tom Lamere Project. As one navigates the quest for authentic connections amid a sea of dating apps and fleeting encounters, Tom unveils the power of intentional, face-to-face conversations. We probe the intricate dynamics of gender roles, the art of establishing genuine relationships, and the vital practice of nurturing those connections beyond the digital realm. If you've ever felt like a castaway in the swiping saga or crushed under the weight of societal dating pressures, this episode offers a lighthouse of hope and strategic insight.
Imagine a social event where the air is charged with the possibility of real connection, a place that defies the standard bar scene with its depth and intention. Tom takes you behind the scenes of such an event, crafted to ensure meaningful exchanges between attendees. With a careful vetting process and a unique preparatory method involving separate Facebook groups and thoughtful questionnaires, we set the stage for respectful interaction and personal growth. This isn't just a gathering; it's a masterclass in cultivating spaces where authenticity and respect reign supreme, paving the way for relationships that enrich and enlighten.
In closing we confront the transformative embrace of both masculine and feminine energies within relationships. Personal stories of vulnerability and emotional availability illuminate the path to a more harmonious connection, offering guidance for others to achieve this delicate balance. Our discussion is a testament to the significance of personal growth, the courage to face fears, and the life-changing impact of a supportive community. This episode is more than just a map through the maze of modern dating—it's a toolkit for personal development and the creation of fulfilling, lasting relationships. Join us for an earnest exploration of communication, and the continuous journey of self-discovery.
Embark on an expedition into the heart of modern dating with this visionary guide, Tom Lamere of the Tom Lamere Project. As one navigates the quest for authentic connections amid a sea of dating apps and fleeting encounters, Tom unveils the power of intentional, face-to-face conversations. We probe the intricate dynamics of gender roles, the art of establishing genuine relationships, and the vital practice of nurturing those connections beyond the digital realm. If you've ever felt like a castaway in the swiping saga or crushed under the weight of societal dating pressures, this episode offers a lighthouse of hope and strategic insight.
Imagine a social event where the air is charged with the possibility of real connection, a place that defies the standard bar scene with its depth and intention. Tom takes you behind the scenes of such an event, crafted to ensure meaningful exchanges between attendees. With a careful vetting process and a unique preparatory method involving separate Facebook groups and thoughtful questionnaires, we set the stage for respectful interaction and personal growth. This isn't just a gathering; it's a masterclass in cultivating spaces where authenticity and respect reign supreme, paving the way for relationships that enrich and enlighten.
In closing we confront the transformative embrace of both masculine and feminine energies within relationships. Personal stories of vulnerability and emotional availability illuminate the path to a more harmonious connection, offering guidance for others to achieve this delicate balance. Our discussion is a testament to the significance of personal growth, the courage to face fears, and the life-changing impact of a supportive community. This episode is more than just a map through the maze of modern dating—it's a toolkit for personal development and the creation of fulfilling, lasting relationships. Join us for an earnest exploration of communication, and the continuous journey of self-discovery.
So we want to do.
Speaker 2:Hello everyone and welcome back to another unstoppable podcast series. It's been a minute. It's been a minute because I've been traveling, doing events, but during an event that I was at in Miami, I met this wonderful guy here. His name is Tom Lamir and he is doing some big things with the Tom Lamir project, and I can't wait for him to speak on it today. He's going to provide incredible value. If you are in the single community, you definitely want to turn into this podcast, because this is really good for you. I wish I mean, of course, I'm engaged now, but I wish, when I was single, that this was I had this option. I had this feedback from people that were really trying to make this an intentional part of dating, and not even dating, it's a lifestyle. So, tom, it's going to get into it and tell you all about it. So, tom, thank you for coming Welcome.
Speaker 1:I really appreciate it. Megan, thanks for having me. So yeah, right off the bat, let's just be honest with the dating space these days it's just terrible. Everybody that I talk to women, men, both they're all on the apps. You're like this is terrible, there's nobody out there. One, there is everybody out there.
Speaker 1:But when you're on these apps, first thing is when you're matching with people. A lot of people just are going like this. They're just swiping through left and right looking for whatever, and most of that's for a dopamine hit. And then you go to match and you go back through and you say I really don't even want to talk to this person. Or you have, you know, a lot of those matches and you're like I don't want to talk to any of these people or you have your own life going on. And then the people that are responding are like why, you know, why did you match with me? And then so it's a hard thing.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of things that are just missed and in communication like that that way, and also there's nothing organic about it. So you meet up with somebody and there's this automatic dating stigma on why you're meeting. So you might, instead of if you met somebody at a social event or anywhere you're shopping, at the bar, wherever you're at, it's a very organic thing and you can become friends or start talking, business, whatever. But when you do the apps, it's a. It's a very non-organic connection. On top of that, we could be honest here too. A lot of dudes are on there and they're swiping and they're saying we're heading out the gate, so really only sexual things. So it's very sexualized. Women are being extremely sexualized right out of the gate before anybody has a conversation. So I have a lot of those messages too. Come women just texting me all the time. With these messages. I can start a new Instagram or TikTok page of just messages from dudes talking about hey, you want to jump on this dick, you know stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Also, there's a dating space that I want to see. I'm single myself and I'm having the same issue on apps. I don't even have them anymore and it's way better off when you do come off of the app and just really. This is very simple. All you have to do is just start talking to people. Let's go talk to people, go meet everybody. So what is the? What did I want? The time on your project, the dating events that I do, that's a piece of the date that I want to see and it's connection and intention, and it doesn't. It's not practical to throw people in a room that they're just going to fall in love, which you can do the first step, and it's just conversation and it's just getting in fun of people, and so in these days it's very daunting for people, especially dudes, who have to be the leader. So that's the, that's the part of the masculine energy. Men have to make the first step, because that's part of being a leader, or you're just going to be this little data bitch.
Speaker 2:And who wants to be that? So right, Right.
Speaker 1:Problem with that is that's what's happening these days, and the women have to show up in their masculine energy. They get jaded at the guy and they get. It's a whole problem.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, I absolutely agree with that. When you said women have to show up in their masculinity like there's that is so much strength in that. And then it's like a double edged sword because guys are like, well, I want to be able to lead, you know. And then, but the good guys are going to say that and but then they've been hurt or they've chosen a path. You know. A lot of times it's you know, it could be women too. I get it. Um, but they have to stay in that masculine energy side and they don't want to let their guard down to let a good man take care of them. So because, like you said, they've always got that bad experience or that Snapchat hey, do you go on Snapchat or text me this? I swear, I hate Snapchat. I think it's. It's not bad if it's done intentionally, but I think there's been so many problems. Come out of that, or just you know if it's done the wrong way. But I think that what you're doing is amazing.
Speaker 2:When you were telling me about in Miami, I was like you've got to get on the podcast, or so many women that listen to this podcast, we've got to get you on. And I was like I was telling you earlier, I was sharing with a friend at my birthday party. We were at the Virgin Reve, taught for my 40th, my big 40. And uh, she I was telling her about it and she's like we need this a national, like we need this here cause she's single. And she's like this is something that I would feel safe going to, that he's doing this, this product that he's doing, and that that I can let my guard down and be really who I am because he's already done the background and screened everybody, man and women, before they come in. That's really cool, I like. I like that.
Speaker 2:So what? You just were tired of seeing it. You know your friends or whatever, which is what led you to thinking bigger and to do something a little bit differently, out of the box, which is which is awesome. So go a little bit into detail about what happened then. After the thought, like what would you just? Sure, sure.
Speaker 1:After the thought yes, all that that you said and me so, and so you know I'm doing this kind of for me too, gathering data to see what works, cause I'm single too. I'm like I'm going to put this on for other people because this is what I want. So part of the manifestation and all that too, that's, you know, energy and just creating it, just creating a space for this. So I just decided what am I sitting around? I can just do this, I'm just going to do it. So here's, here's exactly what I did. Here was the, here's the framework, here's all I did. I knew what kind of people wanted on a small scale. All right, you just want. You don't want a bunch of dooshers showing up. You don't want a bunch of guys this is from a woman's perspective. You don't want a bunch of dudes that are coming and trying to sexualize you and just trying to get laid. There's a space for that. It's called the dive bar down the street, where you can anybody can go. Do that, right.
Speaker 1:So, this is. This is more of like who's looking for some sort of connection conversation and I said, all right, I can just do this. So I booked an Airbnb and I made it a nice location, nice pool, great home, beyond some background. And when people were signing up, part of the part of the thing was everybody's going to be vetted. And this again was mostly for dudes, because women are pretty, pretty good about being honest about what they're looking for and they're you know guys will show up just wanting to get laid, wanting to get drunk. I had to make sure I had a conversation with them. And also, the other thing was if you were just this emotionally constipated person where you're like I have to get a girlfriend because whatever, I was like, hey man, all good on your dream there, but you got to work on yourself because that's where your true happiness is going to come from and we can work on that separate. There's another part of the Tom and Lear project where we work on that. So good, women too.
Speaker 1:I had a woman call me. She signed up, held me back and said, tom, I just ran into my ex-boyfriend and I was forward. I am not ready for this and I have to have to pull myself out. I said, hey, thanks for being honest. There was a couple of people I had to deny because they were just like I'm going to go party. I was like, no, this is yes, we're going to have a great time. Yes, there's going to be alcohol. Yes, there's going to be food. Yes, there's going to be music, but this is a more like an attentional conversation connection in any capacity.
Speaker 2:So let me. Let me get out of here too. When he said Airbnb, guys, this is just for the location. They're not going there and staying. This is like a one night place to be able to talk without bar music, whatever. So I want to make sure people really understand the intention.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I'm not like oh, we're going to go for the fantasy suite there's no, yeah, no, you're going to get some like Castle.
Speaker 1:No, it's just a place that I get you know part of my book to bring everybody together and make sure it's a nice location, quiet and all that.
Speaker 2:That's awesome, and where is the ones taking place so far? You said it on Beach Florida. That's awesome. Yeah, people come out.
Speaker 1:I have some people drive up from Miami, people that didn't even you know didn't know. Of course you know I knew with some people just because they you know a few friends were single and wanted to try it out, and they did, and I got great feedback. Some people were showing up to the Airbnb. I didn't know who they were. I mean, I knew who they were because they signed up and made a Facebook group of men and women separately so they could get to know each other, like the women could get to know each other first before coming in. Same thing with the men. Because if you just show up in a bunch of strangers, you know it's a little, it's a little daunting to just start walking out an event. So I'm going to have a Facebook group for everybody prior so the women could.
Speaker 1:On Versailles, and I would ask questions as well, like every day, I had a question what you know? What are three things you want to see in a man? What are three red flags? I also made a questionnaire prior to the event 15 questions of what everybody's looking for. And I have, I have all that data. So when they got here, here's, here's how it went the people showed up and I make I kind of they're not huge events where there's like 100 people and I separate everybody. That at Airbnb and it's a smaller type of thing. We did a little, um, like mixer right in the beginning, so everybody could kind of get to know each other and talk and all that.
Speaker 2:And then I separated everybody. Yeah it was great.
Speaker 1:And then I separate. And then I had some court sort of teachings or whatever you want to call it. What I became the fall guy. I said here, guys, we're going to be very effective at this. And there was a little bar in the backyard, the setup, and my assistant went and sat there and I went up to her in three different ways. It was kind of like we set the setting of a social experience, a social setting where she there having a good time, and I walked up to her and I was like a drunken idiot it's like Thelon or like hey, you know, like a very, you know, rude and just you know she pushed me away.
Speaker 1:This is the one thing you don't want to do. It's being a fucking jerk off and a drunk asshole. This is what you do not want to do. The second one is what most men, most men, will do. They will touch eye contact Every signal from a girl to come over and talk to them, or in the world, because they're terrified and they get stuck in here, that they're not good enough, she's not going to like me. There's all sorts of stuff right, she might be an attractive girl and they get in here and they won't go over. Well, what's good is that? Because that's a.
Speaker 1:If you go over and get shot down? Well, the goal wasn't to get accepted. The goal is for you to take the first step, especially if you're scared. So I spoke about that and then I went and did what every man should do. If they're interested about talking to a woman, you just go up and you say something respectful hey, I noticed you over here. I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Tom. How are you Then? That's it. If she shoots you down, it doesn't matter, because you made the first step and she will at least respect that you came over.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and you didn't make a jerk out of yourself.
Speaker 1:Right, of course yes.
Speaker 2:I'm going to, I'm going to take it back just a few dollars. I'm like I'm really curious on this. When you go to vet these people to bring them in, what do you do? Do you get them on the phone and talk to them? Do you make a proper survey Like what are their thoughts and steps that they have to go through?
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's first thing is I have it out there. I have a website of of foot form and all that and there's a sign up link with a questionnaire. So I get the questions and the way they answer them and I'll tell you one of them, one of the flags is this and, like it or not, this is just. This is how it goes. If you had one of the questions is what is your living situation, One of the answers is I live with my parents or my parents basement, especially the man. If you live with your parents basement, you, you are currently not able to lead yourself, so how are you going to lead a relationship or a woman or anything? So you have to. I'm not saying you're a bad person, I'm saying you need to, not your parents basement.
Speaker 2:Yes, let's, let's, let's. I'm going to, I'm going to hate on that for a second. That is really good. This is all like about organic. We said we're just going to go with organic, this podcast up.
Speaker 2:So so many people think that, oh, I'm a failure because I'm I'm having, you know, lost my job on my parents basement. That's not what he's saying. Guys, you could be a great person and have bad luck, but does that mean that you're ready to take on a family? Does that mean that you're ready to start a family? I would say not. I would not want to position myself until I'm ready to go.
Speaker 2:I get, I get so many women and I've been here before too, where you've had to take care of a man, and there's nothing wrong with partnership, there's nothing wrong with joint things, Okay, Okay. So you women out there don't come at me like I can do it on my own. I'm not saying that you can't. That's what you want to do, that's fine. But Shilvery is not dead for me and like I tell my fiance that all the time I'm like Shilvery is not dead, Opening the door, doing sweet things, is not dead.
Speaker 2:I love that kind of stuff and I love to know that a man is taking care of a woman I'm not saying you, they should wear it all in their back. Especially if you've been together for a while, if you're married, you both should be doing equal stuff. Yeah, whatever, and that's my opinion. But so many women start dating men that just are not there. Because they're not, they can't take care of themselves. So how they're going to take care of you emotionally, financially, they're not going to be able to do it. Why? That's the disaster from the start.
Speaker 2:And it's going to lead to resentment, a lot of resentment down the road.
Speaker 1:Yep, yeah, and a lot of people might overlook the fact that, well, this is a small thing. They live at home. It's not a big deal. Maybe at first you're having a nice time or whatever, and then you can't go to somebody's house because the parents are always there. You can't, and then the resentment starts to build. You're right. So after time you'll have a thought process of oh, what a terrible decision this was. But not obligated, because now I said I didn't care, now I said I don't mind. When you really do, different authenticity shows up too. It's okay to say anybody's perspective. I don't really. But I don't want to date somebody who lives at home with their parents and they're in their 30s this is definitely a few of them. 19 years old, of course you're seeing a child. I'm talking about people like late 20s and above.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not your parents' basement. I know times are tough with money and everything, but people need help. If you get help, well then help going and keep working on yourself. Keep going every day, lean on yourself, lean on the people that can help with support to get you out of that situation. But I mean, I'm going to ask you who friends, do you know that when they say hey, they meet a guy and say hey, I currently live at home and they're 35 years old. The first thing they're going to be like? I don't know, I don't want to do this, but maybe they're lonely, maybe they've been wanting some sort of affection and attention so long that they're just going to overlook the fact. I sound like a small thing, but in the long run it's not.
Speaker 2:No, it's not, and that's the thing. Like I know, personal friends of mine that have had to move back home with their family, and there is nothing wrong with that, because times are harder.
Speaker 2:Now. I know people that are married, that have to live at home with their family, and you know it's not what they want. They're trying to get out of it. I mean more respect to them. They're married, so I mean they're trying to make a living out of it. It's he's talking about the ones that are seeking relationship that are saying I'm ready for relationship, I'm single, I'm not married, I'm not committed. I'm going to take on a woman and hopefully she can make it, because I can't take care of myself.
Speaker 1:Right, and the guy that you said, so the two of them, so the people that you said they don't want to be in that situation, they're trying to get out of it, they're working their ass off, versus the guy who's living in his parents' basement watching Netflix, eating go-hose and just chilling out. That's a whole different mentality.
Speaker 2:Very different. Command you for doing that? That's a huge question to have on your research. Okay go ahead. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I had to flip it and that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was just one of them, some of the other ones that you know what flags, you're seeing people, what is your emotional availability? What do you find, as an emotional intelligence doctor, from another person? And I went through the questions and then I spoke with every person. The men was my biggest, you know, the biggest one to have to make sure men were coming in for the right reasons.
Speaker 1:And it's not that you got to be a little bitch coming into these things. It's that. No, you could be a leader, come in and communicate. And mostly I was like hey, man, why are you coming to this thing? And they're like you know, I've been sick of this dating space and I really am interested in this type of connection that you're talking about. If it was some any kind of answer like that, that would be good to go. If you're like well, it sounds like fun and you know you got drinks, no, so there's a bunch of guys well, like hey, guys, listen. No, no problem with that. I have no problem with your lifestyle or what you're doing. Just go to the bar next door on the street and that's where you're going to find what you're looking for for the one night stand or whatever that is.
Speaker 2:You're being intentional with this. That's awesome.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying listen, if people want to be adults and make decisions afterwards, that's on them. If they, you know. But um, and I don't, I don't have any rules about how they want to connect on their here either. They, they can. A lot of places they'll be. Like, don't exchange phone numbers or emails, because we do that at the end. We want to make sure I have no rules. If you guys want to.
Speaker 1:There was many people that were at the event that they connected on every different level friends, business so you're interested. Unless you're not, you can say, oh, I really I have a friend that would really like to meet you, because X, y and Z or hey, we both like brunch. Let's go sit up at brunch With all of our friends and then we can all have this little community and that's how it starts, like the first. But people, I think, get inside their head and they say I got a lot of questions afterwards hey, did anybody fall in love with any, with any, with any? I'm like that's not the, the, the premise of the whole event.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's a dating event. No, it's not practical to put people in a room to be like here you just met this person, go fall in love. It could be like sparks flying, there could be all that stuff, but you, there's only one way to find out, and that's get in fun of each other.
Speaker 2:Yeah, get in front of each other in a safe place and then make conversation, go on a couple of days, you know, a day after really get to digging and know people. Sure, I mean, I I think one of the problems a lot of women that I coach, with unstoppable women that I talk to, um and I, and I realized this and it was just like a aha moment, which is really why I zoned in on doing what I did for the women. There's so many things that I'm doing there, but it was because, like myself, I watched what I picked and it goes back to like, my first definition of love was somebody that was a narcissist, which I didn't know what that word was at the time.
Speaker 1:Sure Sure.
Speaker 2:And somebody that was, you know, verbally and sometimes you know, verbally abusive, and there was some other things that I mean I'm not it's too long to pack out on this podcast, but but that was my first definition of love and so I just ran with it and I thought, for some reason in my morbid way, that I was attracted to it. Not everybody that I dated from then or relate, had a social relationship with followed that same path, but there weren't. There were certain qualities in some that were, you know, and some of the breakups were my fault, because I wasn't emotionally there, because I hadn't healed from the trauma that had happened before, you know, and that, like I said, we could go down a complete rabbit hole on that. I don't mean you both agree with that. You know, unhealed trauma leads into bad decisions and relationships and life and everything else.
Speaker 2:Then you know, and and I didn't understand that I got older and sort of unpacking it and then stop, stop making those myriad decisions, and I came back to like my first definition of what I thought love was, and it totally wasn't.
Speaker 2:It was opposite of what love should be, and you know, I was young and having to figure it out and then continually making those choices, a lot of times again in an attraction, and looking for those things love, bond and and just fear of abandonment. You know, all that stuff came and just I would almost like some of these women do and some of these men do, they settle for a job and they don't want to be alone and it's like, okay, they don't fit this quality, this quality. But I always encourage people like you got to make a non-negotiable, you've got to stick to your non-negotiable list. You know like I'm all about people can change. You know, have some non-negotiables and negotiables or whatever, but there's some that, to the root of your core, you shouldn't budge on because it's not going to work, like you said. You know like, well, I don't really want somebody that doesn't have a job and live in a home in the basement with their parents.
Speaker 2:But maybe he'll change or I just want to be with somebody you know and and then it leads to like a path of, like you said, I can't say anything now, I'm too far in, it's not working. I resent this person, I can't say anything and breathe, and it doesn't work, you know. Yeah, I think that's that all goes back to it. And then another thing to Tom, and I don't know if a lot of the guys that you work with have this problem. I know some of the ones that I know do, and we've talked about it before.
Speaker 2:But a lot of the women that I coach, they have a lot of their problems with relationships, goes back to daddy issues and it goes back to their dad either not being there because they passed, or, in my case, my dad had a severe traumatic brain injury. He was a great man, but during my teens, when I was supposed to see how a young lady was supposed to be treated, my dad was trying to remember his name. He was trying to survive. He was legally bond and that's not, that's not a dig at him. I mean that's just how it was.
Speaker 2:So I had to figure it out on my own. I mean my mom said, you know, like you can't do this, you know she tried her best, but there's only certain things a mom can teach. A male role model really teaches their daughter how a man is supposed to treat them. I fully believe that and in that case I didn't have that example. So I went with the first love example that what I thought was love example and I mimicked that's what I thought love was for so long chaos, drama, you know, and just and just all kinds of crap, until I figured out the problem and I had the all hall moment I was able to help other women. And then they go back and they're like, oh my gosh, my dad wasn't here. My dad, you know, I wasn't raised. I was raised by a single mom. You know she did the best she could, but I didn't have that male influence of what a good man should be like and treat a woman like.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I don't know if you see that some on the male side sometimes momish.
Speaker 1:It's the, they'll be that or a toxic ringing, even not it doesn't have to be toxic, it can be just like certain things that triggered you and you were your kid and that's the certain ways that you're wired, and then you carry that through your adulthood and then that could turn into a like an ego thing where your ego when you're a figure out, when you're a kid it's a protective thing and when you become an adult it makes you an avoidant because you've changed and you don't know how to change with it. So, healing all that stuff in the past, it doesn't matter what it is. It could be if your father wasn't there, your mother wasn't there, or any sort of abandonment, any sort of just whatever you have, it can follow. So if you haven't dealt with it, you have to deal with it. And then I want to touch on what you said about the narcissism in the love bombing as well, because that's huge, like that right now. That's like a huge and all that. All that is is the guys and girls Well, mostly girls like if you see a guy out there and you meet him and he immediately trying to take you on a vacation or away or just buying you concert tickets. This is within like a few days of knowing you work a week or whatever. This is a huge, a huge sign of possible what the narcissist is going to do, because he's going to pull back from that. When you're, when you are, when you start reciprocating any sort of love or feelings, he will pull back and then you will chase him and it's a whole. It's a whole problem. So you're right, the women that I've known, a lot of women who were very attracted to narcissists, so they haven't healed from that and then when a good leader, a good man, shows up in their life, they'll reject them. So I agree, I totally agree with you about the healing. And then men as well, if they haven't healed from what they have going on, they will self-sabotage. Good women I mean good women and I can.
Speaker 1:I am a, I can speak some authority on this because I used to do it and whatever I was doing, my, I used to live a very toxic life where I was just my. My two vices huge devices was blacking out on alcohol and vagina unemotional vagina and just sleeping with whoever I could. Now this is you have to pull yourself out of that and once you get into that, the web you've spun for your life and the hypnotic rhythm that it's day after day, and you even know how you got into it. You were just having fun, you know. For a couple of hours or long you were just having fun and then it's become your life and then you're getting drunk all the time with your friends and then you become the ringleader of good to go. Do this. Like right, there's a night, we're going here Friday, saturday, sunday, we're going to go here and here, and the whole time, in the pen of my career, I've just wanted a good, feminine, divine feminine woman to go the relationship with, and a family and all that. And I wasn't doing anything to show up like that. I was just boozing sacks.
Speaker 1:And you wake up one day and you're like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1:Where is time? You're going to wake up and say what am I doing? You're looking at the ceiling, what am I doing? So I started my own path of pulling myself out of that, because no one can tell you to do it. They can, they can notice it maybe and say, hey, what are you doing? And you're like, yeah, once you decide I've had with this, because this is just, I just have an empty. I just have this empty life and it's just. I'm just hungover all the time. Yeah, I have a job. Yeah, I'm doing some things, yeah, okay. So I'm just going to say things that you actually want from your most authentic, most part of your soul. You're not doing and you're avoiding one. The ego could show up and makes you an avoidant, and now you're scared to be seen. All these things, it's a huge thing. We love bombing. Yeah, that's where it started. Yeah, if you're, if you're a love bombing, stop. And if you're a woman and you notice it, pump the brakes and have a hard. Look at who you're talking about.
Speaker 2:It is, and the sad thing about it is that a lot of these women are not going to notice it until they go through it. And that was with me when I really I mean I had doses here and there I think of narcissist personalities or whatever, because I think you know it can be. You can sit there and not notice everybody as a narcissist if you really want to and look right, right.
Speaker 1:There's tendencies over the place of argument. No, it's not everybody's an actual narcissist.
Speaker 2:Not everybody's an actual narcissist, no, so I mean you have to be careful with that, because you know so many women are men and I'm a narcissist and I'm like I know yeah, the best word these days, I get it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's the act, and I'm like that's it, that's my act, you know. And but I had one that was, you know, it was a stream case of it and I did not realize it. And when I got out of it I was like, oh my gosh, like I really started studying what it was and and everything. And I'm like, wow, I was completely loved. And then I went back in my other relationships. I'm like I probably wanted to more work, but I didn't at the time. But then I became single again and I started dating and I remember I went on a date with this one guy and I'm sitting there and I had, kind of, we had a good conversation, you know. You know, faith to me is important. So women, please be careful and this is me. And two, do not give them a playbook before you engage, because if it's the wrong person and you're giving them a playbook of what you want, too much narcissist people will will be that person until they're not Okay. So I would have this, my non-negotiable list, and stuff like that, and I'm like, oh, I'm just going to give it to them just to see if they fit. They would use it against me. So you have to be very careful with that. So you said back in watch, watch actions, not words. This is for men and women.
Speaker 2:Okay, and one thing that I would do I would see the good too much in people sometimes and, like I said when people were listening, I have screwed up relationships myself. I am not perfect. Like you said, we both had you've had your past, I've had my past. It's taken a lot of wrong to get it right. Okay, but I will say this when I, when I figured it out and I'm like, oh my gosh, so I went into this date, it was a we had a conversation you know, god pray with you over the phone.
Speaker 2:I'm like, oh, he's, he's a Christian man. This could be the one you know. You know, in my head I'm just saying that, not saying out loud. And so then I started noticing like he would ask me questions on the phone and I would be like he is leading, this is a leading question. This is a leading question. Like, um, like I would wear something really, really cute or a band suit out the lake. And he's like so how can you be a Christian and wear that famous suit? And blah, blah, blah, blah, and you are manipulating me Saw it and I didn't say anything. I was like maybe I'm wrong because I'm still new at trying to figure out this world of narcissism, right?
Speaker 2:So I was like something that feel right, like when you get that gut feeling in your stomach like you want to get sick or choking you a little bit. That's usually your gut saying something's not right here, pay attention. So I I guess I was like, okay, I'm going to go to lunch so I can leave real early or whatever. So I'm going to go to lunch with this person and I'm going to set whatever. As soon as I saw that person, I knew I was immediately within five minutes, that's what he was, and I was nice. I offered to pay for my own fee because I was like I don't, I don't want nothing else from this, I've seen enough. But it made me feel good to know that I, that my gut was right and that I listened to myself and I walked away from potentially bad situation.
Speaker 2:Because if I before the old Megan would have kept been like I wish nothing, you know, this is who he really is. He's saying he's a Christian. He's saying that he's this, this, this on my list, which is what I'm looking for. And then now I've got three or six months into a relationship and then I find out who they are, cause usually about six months, you're going to know if they are one and um, it saves you a lot of time. So I I think that you being intentional on doing a lot of the legwork on the front end now, cause they still sneak in. Yeah, people can lie every day, of course.
Speaker 2:That's why you needed, that's why that your, your project goes more than just hate. We're setting you up on this day.
Speaker 1:Of course Right, and yeah, there's way more and I and I work with. I work with men and I will be starting a woman's part because I get a lot of questions like Tom. I mostly get help hit up from women. They're saying, tom, why are you only talking about dudes? Because like we're over here, like we need this too, and I said and I used to get in my head saying like, oh, I don't really know what drives a woman, but that doesn't matter. I could work with their insecurities and them being sexualized and them leveling themselves up, and they're probably like positive words for whatever. It is Right. So that's another little segue to something else later on. But the I just want to make sure that we I I touch on this because we talk about narcissism and the love bombing If there's a person out there that you're dating and they want to treat you right and do good things for you, maybe take an application and it's quick. This is actually me this doesn't necessarily mean that they're going to pull you back and screw you over as a narcissist. No, they might. But there's also, there's lots of the guy out there who he's lonely and he's anxious and he meets somebody and he immediately starts firing off because he's been, he's had this empty heart for so long and he has finally somebody that is paying attention to him and he's he licks her. Versus just the, the dating apps and all these things. Versus this is Monday talk and as you have some sort of connection, maybe a couple of dates, maybe one or two, maybe a couple of conversations and immediately starts firing off on contract tickets or a road trip or whatever, immediately. That doesn't necessarily mean he will be a narcissist, but they will. They will say that I've known people to do this and they're not narcissists. But once they get their needs met very quickly and that loneliness up is full, they pull back and they're like well, I'm good and I really didn't really like this girl and I just they just needed something. So this is not going to be a popular advice that I'm going to say right now, but this is just the way I feel and this is what I really think mentioned to be doing.
Speaker 1:If you're a guy out there and you're dating and you meet a woman and you hit it off and you're having a good time and you're all these things and you'll really like her, you're like, okay, you feel that you're going to have that feeling. You're going to be like man. What is this? This is like something immediately set up three dates with other women in parallel. You don't have to tell the woman that you're dying to date and you like this is called dating, so you're not breaking any rules. Nothing has been defined.
Speaker 1:The reason we're doing this is this Okay, you have this woman here, she's the one you like. Okay, if you're a lonely, anxious, needy later and you have to just get that need, that we're going to get that need met over here with these three dates. If you're over on these three dates and you're thinking about this one and you really don't want to be here and you're thinking over here, well then there's, then there could be something. So that is my, that is my advice for men. If you, if you're that's how you know if it's really authentic and you're really intentional.
Speaker 1:No woman wants to be just the vessel to fill your lonely cup.
Speaker 1:She wants to be picked because she's she has her own values. That you see, then you like that and you're connecting on her values, her, her, her, her, her personality, Her. She's very specific, not that she's just the vessel for a shoulder to cry on or compassion, or the feminine divide and energy that you're looking for. If you're doing that, you're going to get that from women over here as well. So if you're getting, if you're getting your needs met by just going on dates because and you're not lonely well then do not bother this one over here, because when you do that you're going to end up hurting somebody. So make sure you're good to go. Don't treat somebody like the vessel if you're really actually trying to date them specifically, like that's where the intentionality and your most authentic person can think of. So that might not be popular to say that Like, hey, there are three sets of dates immediately when you start liking somebody else, but that's the only way you're going to really know. Know if you like the woman or if she's the vessel.
Speaker 2:Right, and that's good. And a lot of men will go after strong, independent women like these top that you're talking about, the narcissist people because they're attracted to that. It's a challenge for them, but then they don't know what to do with them. They're like, oh gosh, they got their own voice of reasoning and they don't really need me or whatever. You know. And again, you know, vice versa, women that have been hurt, that are walking in this masculinity of their self that they have to take care of. You know I've asked for help. You know I have. It comes with complain or whatever. So you know it's, it's such a, it's almost a spiritual of finding within yourself. I mean it really is when you figure it out. I know you know exactly what I'm talking about because you've been there, done that and you've had a walk to that journey yourself. And it's like you. It's like you learn a little bit and then you want more. You learn a little bit and you want more, but you're exactly right, yes.
Speaker 2:Right, and then you learn, like what is Megan, like what is Tom, like you know, I'm wait a minute, I was just doing that because somebody else liked it. I really don't like doing that. I like doing this, this and this. You know, yes, when you really find yourself, you know, I tell people all the time and I tell them off, you know, and say now I said, when I really found myself, it came out for a really bad heartbreak of a relationship, it was a broken engagement, and I still, I mean I'm now able to be nice if I see the person. There's no resentment. You know that we both moved on.
Speaker 2:We're very happy, but for a long time I didn't want to look and say, look, to make people say their name. I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to hear to the picture, I don't want to hear nothing. I'm still really, really bitter about it and heartbroken about it. And and I say this to say this, when I finally healed from that, this is how I knew I was at the country music hall of fame and an event and I might have had one glass of wine so I know it wasn't all the wine that was doing this and a music came on and I was up dancing and laughing and I had this piece that I can't even describe and I was happy for me.
Speaker 2:I was there with no date, I was there by myself and I was having a good time and I was like, okay, I found myself, I finally did it. It took a lot of healing and it took a lot of me not jumping into something really quick, you know, to heal a wound, because a lot of times people will be in a relationship jumper.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. And then they don't heal and they just go one trauma, they bring the baggage and baggage and baggage and this adds up. So yeah, I totally agree with you on that and the piece that you have and finding your identity is so free and y'all it's worth that. If you're listening and you're going through it right now, it's worth just taking a pause on it, on the dating law, until you find it so yeah, 100%, and you'll find yourself in I spoke about earlier that hypnotic rhythm and that's that web.
Speaker 1:If you're just a data, a serial data, a relationship, serial relationship, boom, boom, boom, it's all external validation and that's all you're looking for. And once and you talk about it when you put the internal validation and you feel that for the first time, you're like, oh my God, this is great. So number of things you can do besides dating men and women. And I tell everybody just go get a step, getting healthy physically and mentally, you'll, and in play, well, it will happen. The same at the same time, you know, go on a run or a walk or the gym or whatever that looks like for you.
Speaker 1:Get into some good books, get into meditation, breath work. I started doing breath work. I didn't even know what it was until I did and I just started. You know, you sit and you download the Wim Hof app and you do a couple of exercises. You're like man, I just feel better. I don't even get it, yeah, so those are very small, simple things anybody could do in 10 minutes to start, to start, like you know, getting through that and just figuring out who you actually really are, yeah, and I mean I totally agree with you on that and people are like, well, what can I do?
Speaker 2:And I'm like, listen, you know, I'm tired of being by myself. Well, what I did, what I did was I started written Airbnb's for a night or two by myself to get me, get me out of the scene. I didn't want to go to a bar, I didn't want to go where we're you know to get hit on. I needed my mind clear and I wanted to work on my work. I wanted to work on insopple. Well, that's when insopple were really took off and grew because I was, you know, in the middle of the singleness. And then I went and took my work and went in to Airbnb and I would check in and I would work and I would work on my book and I would work on episodes and book and guest and events that were coming up. And I took so much pride in that and I had just a good time just relaxing, doing puzzles. I'm like, am I 80 now? Like what's going?
Speaker 2:on yeah it was just the slowness that I think I was attracted to a lot versus a fast pace. And then, you know, then then part of me was like Well, I can download this app again. I'm like, why no? No, because that's just gonna, like you said, give immediate fulfillment. But then you're going to be all over again and you're going to be back where one and then I do my else's problems.
Speaker 2:Like you, take care of yourself, and there's so much more than that. Don't do the app, y'all. No, if you take anything from me, yeah, yeah, that's, that's good stuff. Sorry, I'm fighting a son is infection, which is why I keep drinking the water, yeah, so so going into that, you know your the intentional dating. Have you had any couples that have, like, made a relationship out of this so far?
Speaker 1:Not a relationship as of yet, but I'm very new at the dating events space. So I would do, I would work with men, I would build people's confidence and go through a roadmap with them, basically. So, if you don't have a roadmap in life, basically a vision, it'll hold me and we can start working and we can start doing all sorts of stuff. Where, where, where, where you are you, where do you actually want to go? And you spoke on this earlier, megan, which I loved it's I was just doing everything else Everybody else was doing, or what this guy said, or that.
Speaker 1:No, you know, everybody has something in the foot of their core, of their soul, that they really want to be doing. It could be like in life or just at the moment, it doesn't matter, but that's where your most authentic stuff so it's coming out and it could be daunting to start talking about it, because if you've never done it, you bring it out there. You're putting yourself out there. We're going to get a lot of judgment good, bad, indifferent but what you get past that and being uncomfortable, nothing good is going to happen unless you start being uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:Everybody that's sitting in there right now and they're unhappy with their life, and you're doing the same thing over and over. You're going to the same places, you're meeting the same people. You're going, you're living the same. You've never been in your comfortable and I don't need comfortable where you're like comfortable your feet on the couch. Yes, that's one form, but I mean you haven't felt this like oh my god, I'm gonna try this, what the? And then you do it when you're fine, everything's fine, and you just keep you, just keep going and going like that's the way to do it you will find your most, your most, your, your, your best version of yourself in the most uncomfortable charted waters.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh gosh, that is so good because I'm ten, if he's right, hundred percent. If you're not uncomfortable, it's not big enough. You need to keep going back to the drawing board. Right, like to grow. You have to be uncomfortable and it's like, well, what if somebody judges me? Or what if I say their own thing? Who cares? You're freaking human, your people, this one, like be genuinely who you are. I said that all the time. Be genuinely who you are because you're gonna attract your people, your tribe, because the ones that are not, they would leave you the Minute you didn't agree with something on Facebook you know like who cares.
Speaker 2:There's a million people in the world love. Bless them. We believe them, don't be rude. Bless them, release them. But I love how you said that that is so good. I've said that all the time. That is really good. And one thing that once you start doing that too, you're gonna learn how to be a better communicator too, and and how you're gonna know this and I can speak this from being in a relationship, one that I, that I feel like it's a finally, you know that finally, moment that you get, you know I thought I've had it before like I'm like, okay, gosh, this is it. You know, whatever.
Speaker 2:How I knew with Travis is I would. We both came from like a lot of yelling and a lot of Talk, sickness in in past relationships, and how I really knew was when we would get into it. We wouldn't yell at each other and we would. I mean, we're very passionate people. People they think that we're yelling, but we're just very passionate people truly. But we wouldn't. We wouldn't call each other names, we wouldn't Exe each other out, like we wouldn't like go days without speaking to each other, like we learned to communicate.
Speaker 2:And they were things that he didn't know, because he's never really had what we have and I never really had what we had, and it took a lot of communication. I think a lot of people were looking. A lot of men and women look for ego strokes from other people, even if they have a good relationship. Like you said, a lot of people don't know what to do with a good woman if they have them, so they still go out and they look for what I call ego strokes. They have a good woman. It's like they're not cheating, but they're, you know they're testing.
Speaker 2:And I think that that's so important that when you're in a healthy relationship and there's communication there, that's not happening, because if you feel Not validated, you can go to your significant other and be like, hey, this really hurt my feelings, or this is where I'm not getting mad at, and you can talk, and a lot of times they don't even know it and they can fix that problem, so you don't feel like you have to go out and get those.
Speaker 1:You know those little, you know those little pep talks from other women or whatever, because I think I said when you, when you're able to do that from a man's perspective, it used maybe it used to be. I don't know where this came like if I just suppressed. Oh, they were actually. They're feeling because we're a mayor supposed to deal with it. Yes, I'm not saying any, you shouldn't be just a whiny little girl but there because as a man you're supposed to provide it, to protect as a bare fucking minimum. But what a leadership is going to show up with your woman if, if you just suppress and stuff and you walk her out, that's not gonna work. So if you start saying exactly, say like hey, I got x, y and z, I'm feeling like this because of this, and it's part of communication and Confrontation as well. So, like you said, you know if you're getting a fight or something not even a fight but like confrontation is a part of communication, and if you suppress, that, that's just gonna bottle everything up and it's not good. So I I fully agree with you on the communications huge, and I've had to learn that. You know that's myself or I.
Speaker 1:I did exactly what I just said. I used to do that when I was younger and I remember being a past relationships and it was like, hey, I can tell something's wrong with you, what's up, and you just immediately shut that down like, just leave me alone, or whatever it is right. So if you can just say, hey, I got this going on, one, you feel like the way the world has came off your shoulders and two, there's somebody there that cares, that's listening to you, you know. So Confrontation is a part of communication. So have your, have your little fights, whatever, and then it's communications. Great, it's the best part.
Speaker 2:Doesn't mean it has to end. That was a big for me.
Speaker 1:Hmm.
Speaker 2:I was like before, it was almost like a media approach for watch the movie media, like you wrong me, I wrong you, you know, and it was just immature. You know, we were both immature because we were again an unhealed trauma and we couldn't get safe with each other because we technically didn't trust each other. Because, like, I felt like I had to defend myself and he had to fit. The person I was, you know, people I was with had to fit in their self and it was as a constant back and forth of like ping-pong match of just talks, talk, sickness and and just wasn't worth it. But I know I'm jumping back to what we're talking about before. There's just so many good nuggets for bouncing off each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think it's great, I think these, these listeners are gonna really enjoy this too. But when you're talking about, when you start thinking bigger and making yourself uncomfortable, you may lose people. You may lose people in your Real of people that you've outgrown, you don't know. I'm not saying I never tell anybody, don't act better than anybody, because you're not always remember where you came from. Right, we're all have some kind of values at the table to bring, sure, but there's some people that you're just gonna have to distance yourself from. Like I said, blessing, release, love them and release them and be nice to them, wish them the best, but they're gonna bring you down, they're gonna keep you in a room.
Speaker 2:Everything that you do is gonna be stupid, it's gonna be too hard, it's gonna be negative. I mean, I even got family members that when I have something big getting ready to happen, I will not tell them because I know if I do, they're gonna take my high and it's something in my drive and they're gonna bring it out. Yep, and it won't surpass because I've let them get in my head, you know. And. But then I've got family members that I can go to and friends that will be like you go Figure it out.
Speaker 2:We know you can do what we don't, how you're gonna do it, but we know you'll do it, you know. So you need you need those type of people that are gonna be pushing you, and if you can't find those rings, you need to get in bigger rings, like go to the events. Like me and Tom we met at an event where there's some big thinkers in there yeah, and big things, you know. Get a coach, go to conferences, things like that. Hiring a coach, I was the best investment I ever made in myself and I'm like Like I coach now too. And I'm like how people think it's so stupid. It is not stupid.
Speaker 1:It is why I grew one of those people that would say that I used to be. Until you do it and you're like me too.
Speaker 2:Why would you do that? There's YouTube videos, or yeah, you know they hold you accountable. If you have a good one, they'll hold you accountable and they'll give you tools to Really make you think bigger. You know you want your accountable.
Speaker 1:That will a lot of people that are saying that like, oh well, why would you pay for something like that one? Well, I I never understood it until you. Until you do, and, of course, rest my life, or some sort of mentor or somebody that I'm Gonna be working with all time, and then they'll probably just get you know. Whatever I'm at in my life, it'll be somebody that there's a, there's a road that's already been paved. I'm gonna be on it. How do I get there? What do I do?
Speaker 1:But 100% the getting rid of the people in your life that are just bringing you down and you touched on it there. A lot of them are gonna be either very good friends or family members that are gonna be saying, like the Rhetoric is always, yeah, but instead of the sand, if you're, if you're out there, being like we all probably do this. Right, I'm not perfect, you know. Sometimes you catch yourself doing it. But if you can change your verbage from like yes, yeah, but Explains the like, hey, megan, the mega is gonna make a, is gonna start a new podcast, oh, I'm so excited about it, yeah, but I mean how you gonna do that. And like, who's gonna want to talk to you? Who's? This is so negative and you're right, it will bring you down. Hey, meg is gonna start a new podcast. Yes, and she can meet so many new people. Yes, and she can level up. Yes, and make connections everywhere. Yes, and is way better than yeah.
Speaker 2:So I challenge everybody out there when you're talking to your friends, just practice yes and yes and yeah, exactly, and that that is so good, because there's so many times people are like they'll get past a vision in their head I'm like I'm gonna drive to work or something like I could do this, this and this. Write it down. Take your little phone out, record it, because this is the best little tool. I've got so many ideas and my little voice memo thing that I've done and haven't done, still gonna need to do, and that's you talk yourself out of it. You allow people to talk yourself out of it and think about the people that you're supposed to be helping and blessing right, and when you make it about others and you're serving others and you take yourself out of it for a minute, that's when the true blessing really happens. So I know when I invest in myself, like we had.
Speaker 2:My kids lost a family member and it was from my ex marriage and I was. Obviously I hadn't talked to a lot of them in a while, but I watched this little girl grow up. I watched her grow up was a was heartbreaking to see their family go through that, see my children go through it. My daughter was like she lost a sister. It was terrible and I remember the day of her funeral we were leaving to go down to Atlanta for, I believe, is the aspire conference that was happening down there and Travis has never been one and I wanted him to see what I'm talking about when I say you get filled.
Speaker 2:Your bucket gets filled when you're in those environments. And he said and you know we're gonna go down there I'm like I need, I need to get filled. I need to. After what I, what I just had to be for emotionally for my kids, and after what I just saw, and After being reminded how short life is, I need to get down there and get my bucket filled again. So when you hear coaches or you hear conferences, or if you can't afford it, you just go on YouTube. That is an option. But when you take that money, that $150 or whatever it is for a conference ticket and you don't and you know you could be using that money for something else because you really can't afford it, and you take that money for the first time and you bet on yourself, that's when the game starts changing man.
Speaker 2:You know, and you go there and you meet people when you network with people. There's so many people that I have met through conferences, through Through things, that we went to a lot masterminds that mean you met at. That's how our friendship started Just by going and bet on yourself, you know, it never fails.
Speaker 1:Of course, I feel the exact same way. I started going to masterminds, just not doing it Idaho last summer not to act. The California I'm gonna. I have many booked in this year and right, the if those are company and the way you took on my cup with this all Vices and it would be reading or booze or just trying to find the external validation. Then, when you get around people who are all trying to do their own thing and level up, it's really good and the networking is the best. Like I've met so many people, I've thousand numbers in here and it's great. You can text any one of them at any time to say, hey, I got this, what do you think? Or whatever it can be, but that's how you feel, your cop, I agree with you.
Speaker 1:And again, if you, if you want to do something, you don't have to do it by yourself. The lone wolf mentality. I did that forever. I was beating my head against his wall right here. Yeah, once you get like anybody, that can help anything. If it's something you just don't want to do, that something else is good at, good, I'll source it. But just get other people in your life or have that support your vision or at least Sure you want if you don't have a relationship and if you're in a relationship and that person not sharing you on.
Speaker 2:You don't have a coming. Jesus taught they need to get a board. Don't let him put you down. When you're looking for a life ship, make sure they're your visions, but they understand where you're going on that bus and they can't keep up and that's a good sign not to do it.
Speaker 1:I think that's part of it. You gotta be your own, or if you both have to have the the um, your leaders for each other and everything you gotta, you gotta you know, support each other.
Speaker 1:The masculine shows up, the man who's gotta be the man, he's got to lead this relationship, and the woman and her feminine energy can fall into that energy and support that role as an equal. And you have your only. You're gonna go on in a team and if you have a family, you have a little football team or a little ballerina team. And I say these little words like this because that's exactly what I want. I'm a single guy and everything I just described right there is that quote, what I'm gonna get.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, and that that's that's really important.
Speaker 2:If you don't have that baseline there, you know, it's, it's just gonna lead to more problems In the future. You know if you're not on the same page and you're gotta be vocal where you're at too. So definitely. Okay. I know we're running low on time here, but I want people to know how they can connect with you, because I have a feeling there's gonna be a guy or girl out there that are listening and really in to you. Know you talk about women and their masculine energy. Man need to kind of fall into the feminine energy, and Tom can help you do that. When we say family and we're turning into no, we'll see.
Speaker 1:But oh, just, you can, right, you can be. If you're a man out there and you're like you know your strong leader in your workspace and you're kind of like this You're the lion in your in in your job and in, like your life and with your friends and like how you quarterback stuff, you're like this alpha, that's awesome. But then when a woman comes into your life, you have to be a little softer. I'm trying to kind of like the lamb, not a sheep. So you hear this thing lion birth, not a sheep, not a sheep, but a lamb. Where you can be compassionate, you can be soft and really the biggest thing isn't anything. Any relationship a man has with a woman.
Speaker 1:All you have to do listen, shut the fuck up because, if you don't and you start, and I again I could say I could. I came out of this too. I used to be. You know, on a date or whatever it would be, you hear something and what you're talking to, each other woman would talk, say something to you and you immediately Resonate with it and you have to put your word in. That's like an anxious desire to be seen or heard, whatever. And if you just don't in anything and just listen, that's all.
Speaker 1:So again yeah lion in your own life, lamb with your woman, and that's the feminine energy, the compassion of softer side. You're not a what. You were helping your woman and that's the feminine energy which is amazing.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I'm telling you guys it works. It works because you guys, you guys, my fiance, he told a lady on the beach like which it was, this a thing was a god they. She came up and found us on the beach really, and we were talking and she was kind of in this partner relationship when she's like I've given him a playbook and he's not listening, he doesn't get it. And I'm like, oh to Travis, and we laugh because we kind of got to that point in our relationship, about a year in our relationship, and I'm like, okay, I've given you a playbook, I've told you what I, what I need you know, in this relationship, and what I, what I need you to do, and you're, he's a, he was a great man. He just wasn't providing his feminine energy to me and I was like, you know, being masculine is fine, but I need you to be sweet, sweeter. You know I need you to write little notes. So that's what my love.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes have that I question things and I and I wonder about things and where you're at and, and I'm not one of those, I'm like, oh, look at me and I don't know what are you thinking? I'm not like that. I mean, I'll say what I need and my knees, and we'll communicate as a daughter. If it's not getting met, I'll pull back, and that's just. It could be toxic and I may be and, like I said, I'm still learning and growing every day.
Speaker 2:But the Megan, the Megan, the, you know that, the what do you call it? Not feminine, but the masculine Megan. You was like pull back, protect your heart. He's not getting it, he doesn't care. You told him oh, oh, oh, and when I think what, he saw me pulling back a little bit, he kind of self-evaluated because at none of the beach he told, he told her about the guy she was seeing that they've been together for a little bit too and he said look, if you're telling him and he's not getting it, he may just not know it, he may just not know how to do it because he's never done it before, because he's never been like that. Travis has never been like that and he's like. It took me seeing her kind of pull back. She, she was, I was faithful, I was still good to him. But I kind of pull back on telling him and he said I'm gonna have to do something, I'm gonna mess this up, I'm gonna lose this woman.
Speaker 2:And he really dove into his feminine energy. No, no, if you look at my fiance guys on if you're you can you know Google the everyday Joe show. He has his own show. You can see he's not a feminine person whatsoever. I mean, he's got the beard and the tattoos and all the things and and and. So that's not like him.
Speaker 2:But with me he is very much in his feminine energy and I'm very much going into mine again, finally finding that because, like he's in California in the last night he's called me. He's like you know, hey, what do I need from us? I'm as infection. You know he feels safe with me, as he should, and to me that's more masculine than anything is to feel safe with your woman and you to feel safe with your man, your man, that you can have those conversations or you can be like hey, I'm kind of scared today on this, or I need some advice on this, because you know that's between y'all and in and she's not gonna make you feel bad about being in your feminine energy and you're in vice versa, you know. So that's really really help me dive into it. It's there, promise, promise.
Speaker 1:That's great. Yeah, that's really good.
Speaker 2:So I know I kind of got sidetracked a little bit, but I wanted to tell because you can tell more of the single side and I can kind of tell about how you. This is what happens if you apply what he's talking about and do the work. This is what happens and it does work because, I mean, we're walking testament to it. We're engaged now. We've been together for two years. Our relationship has been better than it's ever been. Are we perfect? No, do we screw up daily? Yeah, but we have a good relationship and it's there and it can happen for anybody. That's how they're listening, because I was listening, like I was listening many years ago or a few years ago, and I was like this is never gonna happen for me, ever. But I did the work You're doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, another thing is write stuff down. I got a little journal right here. I write it all the time. I got plenty of books over here. I'm reading a right now and just like write down what it makes you feel better and that's like doing the work on yourself. That's part of it and Just, yeah, continue to do the work on yourself. And if your guy Another part is be courageous in your vulnerability. You can be vulnerable. I'm not saying again, we're not talking about being a whiny little girl, no, but you can be vulnerable and Talk about it. And when you can stand solid in that vulnerability, that's awesome because you, you're just, you're free of it. It's got the world of your, though the weight of the world comes off your shoulders when you can start talking about stuff.
Speaker 1:Absolutely if you're hold, if you're, if you're holding that down and it's like a, it's like a rice cooker or like a, like a one of those steam cookers, you're gonna blow your stack. If you got all this stuff, you have to get it out, and that's what I was talking about emotionally constipated versus Emotionally available. So I like that. There's all sorts of stuff, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's good, okay, okay. Well, I know we've got things and you got other things you got to get to today too, so let's get to people how they can get in touch with you. So.
Speaker 1:I'm on all the social media apps. I'm it's just the Tom Lamir project and on Facebook, on Instagram, tick tock, I have a YouTube Tom Lamir project. That's where I have my own podcast. This would be. I'm gonna put this up there and I do. I do many things. I'll go out into the time. If you have questions, send me your questions. I want from men what do you want to better, better questions that you wish women Would give answers on. And I go on the time I Interview. I just go to social settings like, hey, we're talking about, what are your green flags, what are your red flags, what do you want a man to know about? And they'll give answers. So it's out there and I give an outlet for answers for, I think, how you can live your best, happiest life, and Women are trying to get out of this world in the dating space and really out of a man in in in society.
Speaker 2:That's awesome, and stay tuned if you're in Nashville, we've got something in the works.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 2:Stay tuned.
Speaker 1:I can't wait.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can't wait. There's, he's coming to a city near you on tour. There you go. Well, thank you guys for listening again. If you are needing to connect with this podcast, you can find us on YouTube under unstoppable. We're on Facebook under unstoppable as well, and we are also on Apple, spotify, all the mainstream and platforms under unstoppable Podcast series, and we'll have more content like this coming out soon, and thank you again for coming on today and sharing this was very valuable.
Speaker 1:I'd be here. I appreciate it awesome.
Speaker 2:Stay tuned, guys, for the next one. Have a good one, you.